Memorandoum a los chapines

Este es un memorandum que pasó el departamento de recursos humanos de una compañía en USA, en el departamento hay ocho Guatemaltecos y en el costumer service cuatro más, por lo que entenderán que la forma de hablar dentro del departamento es muy popular y a lo chapín, algunos de los norteamericanos que trabajan de supervisores ya han aprendido algo de nuestra lengua, por lo que el departamento de recursos humanos les llamó la atención con este memorandum.. .... es real...

Merlin Industries
Trenton, NJ, USA

Memorandum
To: Guatemalan Employees
From: Human Resources Department
Subject: New Policy using the Spanish language during working hours.

1) Words like "puta", "hijueputa" and other such expressions
will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.

2) Non-important matters should not be addressed to as "mierda".

3) You will not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "la cagaron" if you see someone being reprimanded. All forms and derivates of the Word "cagar" are inappropriate in our environment.

4) Lack of determination will not be referred to as "falta de huevos" or "huecadas", not will a person with lack of initiative be referred to as "hueco", "culero" or "comemierda".

5) No manager or supervisor, under any circumstances, should be
referred to as "ese cerote, or "ese maricón".

6) When a good proposal is presented, the term "está de ahuevo" or
"que cabrón" must no be used.

7) Unusual or creative brainstorming meetings will not be referred to
as "diarreas mentales".

8) Do not say "como chinga" if a person is persistent, or "se pisó" if somebody is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "que coma mierda" or "me vale verga"
when matters become complicated in your line of work.

9) When asking someone to leave, you should not say "váyase a la
mierda", or will you substitude "¿qué putas quiere?" for "May I help you?".

10) When leaving the office, using the term "me voy, malparidos de
mierda" is not proper.

11) When any office equipment fails, it must be reported as "it broke
down", not "se hizo mierda" or "ya no sirve esta mierda".

12) Last but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say,
"me limpio el culo con esto". Just keep it clean and file it properly.

Thank you for your cooperation.
Human Resources Department.